Sunday, October 3, 2010

Column by Corinne Meadowlark

Column by Corinne Meadowlark
Research and Development
edited by Al
Issue 11 of the newsletter


Hi, again. Thank you to all those who wrote with offers of support
after the last Corinne's Column. Support is the right word. There
were even people telling me where to buy bras.

I owe you all an apology. The Editor tells me 'never apologise, never
explain', but I think I may have accidentally led some of you astray.
You remember my first ever letter to R & D, when I gave my
measurements. At least, I gave my measurements as they were at the
time. Needless to say, they're not the same now, that was weeks ago!

Well, I got them wrong, anyway. Not all of them, but I was so busy
doing metric conversions for that European Editor that I got a number
wrong and never noticed. They're just numbers to me, anyway: when you
have to have your bras custom made, the size doesn't matter all that
much! At least, it shows you read my article, because more than one
reader wrote and pointed it out!

So when I said the size of my chest beneath the bust was 36 inches,
what I really meant to say was 32 inches. And for those who are
interested in the 'complete package', that figure of 32 inches is
more or less the same size as my hips!

I only wish my waist was as tiny! Even though I'm always *trying* to
diet, it keeps getting bigger. It's crept back up to 24 inches again.
And for the BE fans amongst you, even the diet isn't enough to stop
*these things* growing.

So what does a girl wear when she measures 75-24-32?

It presents a number of interesting problems, and there are very few
interesting solutions.

First rule of thumb ... never try and wear a one-piece *anything*.
Anything that you *could* find to make it over your chest is going to
completely swallow the rest of you. So dresses become virtually
impossible to wear. I had to spend over $300 dollars to get my prom
dress in high school - that was when I was way smaller than I am now
- and it wasn't even a very fancy dress.

Swimwear? A dream long since gone by. One-pieces would never fit -
nor do they make them big enough. And two-pieces? First of all,
bikinis reinforce the floozy image, and secondly, they provide very
little support.

And virtually *no-one* custom makes swimsuits. I've looked. My
current trick for beach-going is to find the bikini with the largest
cups I can - usually only a DD - and add extra length to the cords.

Which means I'm spilling out all over the place, but I put a men's
extra-extra-large T-shirt on over that, so I'm not *totally*
embarrassed. Just mostly.

So everything has to be two-piece. Finding things for the lower half
is no problem, but the top often has to be found at places that
specialize in things for women of 'large size' - which most often
means added pounds all over, not in one place like my problem - or
else maternity stores. And maternity fashions are pathetic ... don't
let anyone tell you otherwise.

The only other option is to have things custom made. And when you're
*still* growing, that's not a real option either. Bras cost me about
$75, and a nice blouse is *easily* over $100. One of these days I'll
learn to sew, and maybe cut my costs. But things fit well for only
about three or four weeks, and fit poorly for possibly another two
months, depending on how fast my growth rate is. So it's mostly off
the rack for me, and even that's hard to find.

And a footnote: looking at that article a bit earlier about the Bust
Ratio, somebody asked if anyone knew of a genuine 1.25? How about a
genuine 2.05, anyone? And counting!

[R & D writes: the opinions expressed by Corinne Meadowlark in this
interview are not necessarily entirely her own. She really does
exist, though, and she will do her best to answer questions. Send
them to R & D Hindquarters.]

-- Corrine Meawlark Issue 12 of the newsletter

Growing Up

Well, this month, I get to make myself really unpopular. Kind of,
anyhow. The readers have been asking me to go ahead and write about
the early parts of my growth spurt. A real-life BE story? Well, be
careful what you wish for ... you just might get it. But I'm not
going to make it sound like it's all bright skies and butterflies.
It's not. In fact, more often than not, it's a pain.

Okay. Well, to start off with, I was an early bloomer, to be sure. I
was in my first bra at eleven, that was the fifth grade for me. It
sneaks up on you, it really does. You see, if you're not paying
attention to things like that, bras and stuff - and tomboy-types like
I used to be are NOT paying attention - then you don't really notice
till 'things' start becoming a problem.

For me, that was at a B-cup. Without wishing to be rude to all the
smaller-breasted women out there, an A-cup is really not all that
distinguishable from puppy fat. Not that I've ever been heavy and
puppy-fattish, but most eleven year olds are still kind of gangly,
and their bodies are trying to figure out what they want to do.

Okay, we encounter the first problem at this point. No one makes
such things as B-cup bras to fit the back size of a slender eleven
year old. Meaning you get a choice.

Either you get your first introduction to the glamorous world of
custom clothing, or you find yourself getting SQUASHED into a
training bra.

Guess which my mother opted for? Yep, you guessed it. SQUISH! And it
was squish for the better part of a year. Uncomfortable as anything,
but what with tight bras and loose shirts, no one noticed a thing.

Then I made it to sixth grade. That's when things started getting
just a little excessive, as my hormones started really deciding to
get me into trouble.

Sixth grade is when Physical Education really gets going. So far, I'd
been more or less successfully hiding everything from my mom - and
everyone else - so no one suspected what I had under my shirt. Only
little me!

Well, you have to change in PE class! All right, before that picky
Editor says it, you actually have to get changed BEFORE PE class. The
PE teacher could hardly fail to notice the raw tracks in my back and
shoulders from where that training bra was cutting me in half. And
when she told my mom, and SHE made me take it off for inspection ...
well, we found out why the tracks were raw.

For me it was just the first stage in what was to become the Battle
of the Bras.

Corinne Meadowlark hopes to be back next month with the next part of her story.

-- Corrine Meawlark Column by Corinne Meadowlark
Research and Development
edited by Al
Issue 14 of the newsletter


More Growing Pains

Once again, we're sorry Corinne was working so hard last month that
she couldn't send us the latest episode of her story: the one that
was going to be called 'Growing Pains'.

If you recall, we left little Corinne in the Sixth grade, changing
for PE classes, and really getting MUCH too big for her bra ...


Well, you guessed it, of course ... the reason I'd been having raw
shoulders and sides was because with a combination of an over-tight
bra and some occasional wrapping, I'd managed to squeeze a C cup - in
fact, nearly a D cup - into that little bra, with almost nothing

My mother couldn't just ignore that one ... this time she bought me
some new underwear that actually fit.

"Not to worry," she said, "you're just an early bloomer!" And for the
next while, it seemed like she was right ... my growth had pretty
much stopped. I was just a rather amply endowed Seventh grader.

Contrary to popular belief, this is not always a bad thing ... yes,
the other girls tease fiercely, but the boys DO pay you a lot of
attention, so you're seldom lonely!

Eighth Grade, on the other hand, was a personal nightmare. When I was
on summer vacation between Seventh and Eighth, my mother decided that
with my looks, it would be a good idea to put me on birth control.
Not like she trusted me or anything.

Boy, was THAT a mistake ...!


And no doubt you can guess what's coming next ...!

Corinne is still working very hard, but she hopes to be able to spend
more time with us again soon.

-- Corrine Meawlark

Column by Corinne Meadowlark
Research and Development
edited by Al
Issue 17 of the newsletter


She's back. Our real-life giant-breasted correspondent dropped by out
of the wide blue yonder with another teasing morsel - then promptly
disappeared again.

Corinne is working extremely hard, trying to make ends meet. She
should be an example to us all. For those who think Cee is the
invention of a syndicate of acne-ridden uni-geeks who take turns in
writing her life story, we can only offer you this latest message.

For those who would like to write to Corinne, and yearn for the ego
boost which comes from exchanging regular mail with a growing girl -
well past the basketballs stage - we can tell you: it ain't what
Corinne herself would call bright skies and butterflies. Mail from
our Cee transcends mere irregularity. One day, though, she'll find
the time to say more than just 'hello.' She's utterly infuriating and
we love her dearly.

Meanwhile, in 199 words and one sigh, here's Corinne Meadowlark.
Unquestionably the biggest-breasted columnist in the entire world.

Well, hello again, everyone, from out here in the land of
electronic limbo.

For those of you who were wondering if I am still alive, I am ...
for those of you who think I'm not real, do you seriously think
Al'd let his star writer take this much time off if she were
fictional? (Besides ... ask Al or Wren ... they know I'm real)

[Cee's real, all right, the only difficulty is believing it. Cee is

For anyone who cares about why I vanished, I moved out here to
the Pacific Ocean (Hawai'i). I'm out there in the land of Eternal
Sun, starting to turn a very nice golden brown from tanning. And
yes, all over, for you lecherous minds out there.

By the way, if you just happen to be an over-endowed young lady
reading this, don't come here ... they have NO clothes to fit ...

But, so anyhow, I'm out here in the land of fun and sun, still
growing , and trying desperately to get back in touch with
the electronic world. I'm afraid I'm hopelessly off track from
where I was in my little narrative, so everyone mail-bomb Al with
what you'd like to hear me ramble about. And fan mail is, as
always, appreciated, he'll pass it on.

Yes, if Cee is going to be there, we'll pass it on. Need we remind
readers, the Editor does have to read such mail before forwarding it,
and he does so at mealtimes. Messages from New Men who are interested
only in 'the woman inside' are even more unsettling to the stomach
than those from one-handed readers.

-- Corrine Meawlark

No comments:

Post a Comment